Why Willpower Isn’t Enough—and What to Do Instead
Have you ever told yourself, “That’s it. No more sugar. I’m done.” Or maybe you’ve sworn off chips, cookies, bread, or late-night snacks. At first, it works. You feel in control, focused, even a little proud. But then… life happens. A stressful day, an unexpected challenge, or just plain old exhaustion. And suddenly, that “forbidden” food is calling your name louder than ever. You give in—and feel like you’ve failed.
Sound familiar?
This is the tricky part of health and behavior change. When we create hard and fast rules—“I can’t have this,” “I’ll never eat that again”—we often set ourselves up for a cycle of resistance and rebound. That’s what the phrase “What we resist, persists” is all about.
The Problem with All-or-Nothing Thinking
Let’s take a look at a couple of real-life examples:
• Example 1: You tell yourself you’ll never eat sweets again. You white-knuckle your way through a week without sugar. But then Friday night rolls around. You’ve had a tough week. You’re mentally exhausted. The willpower tank is empty. Suddenly, one cookie turns into six.
• Example 2: You’re trying to avoid chips. You’ve been “good” for days. Then stress hits—maybe a deadline, a tough conversation, or just a wave of boredom. You reach for the chips you swore off. And once you start, it’s hard to stop.
In both cases, what started with good intentions—better eating, more control—turns into guilt and frustration. The restriction created resistance, and the resistance only strengthened the craving.
So, what’s the better way forward?
A Healthier Approach: The 3 Rules of Progress
Let’s start with a mindset shift. Instead of aiming for perfection, we aim for progress. Here are three rules that help guide that shift:
Rule #1: There Are No 100% Rules
Tell yourself this: “I’m allowed to have anything—I’m just choosing what’s best for me most of the time.”
This doesn’t mean eating whatever, whenever. It means removing the “never” and “can’t” from your language. Giving yourself permission—oddly enough—makes it easier to make empowered choices. That cookie or chip doesn’t hold the same power when it’s not forbidden.
Rule #2: Observe Without Judgment
Awareness is key. Pay attention to what you do, when you do it, and how you feel—without beating yourself up. Try noticing:
• “I get bored around 8:30 p.m., and I tend to wander into the kitchen.”
• “When I feel overwhelmed before a big project, I crave salty snacks.”
• “When I skip lunch, I end up over-snacking in the evening.”
This kind of mindful observation helps you connect the dots and plan ahead more effectively.
Rule #3: Practice Radical Kindness Toward Yourself
This one is the hardest—but the most powerful.
We’ve been conditioned to be hard on ourselves. It’s helped many of us achieve great things. But when it comes to lasting behavior change, self-criticism is more of a hurdle than a help.
If your inner voice says, “Ugh, you blew it again,” try shifting to something like, “I’m learning. That didn’t go the way I wanted, but I’ll figure it out.”
Being kind doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook—it means creating a compassionate space where growth is possible.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Make Progress
If you’re used to being a 9 out of 10 on the self-criticism scale, what would a 6 out of 10 look like?
Maybe that’s giving yourself credit for pausing before the second serving.
Maybe it’s noticing the craving and choosing a walk instead—sometimes.
Maybe it’s saying, “This isn’t the end of the road. It’s just a detour.”
Here’s the truth: Nobody nails all three of these rules perfectly. And that’s okay. The power lies in practicing them, not perfecting them.
Quick Recap:
• Rule #1: No 100% Rules – Say goodbye to “never” and “can’t.” Choose, don’t restrict.
• Rule #2: Observe Without Judgment – Notice your habits, patterns, and triggers with curiosity, not criticism.
• Rule #3: Be Kind to Yourself – Self-compassion fuels progress far better than guilt ever will.
Progress, not perfection.
If this resonates with you—and you’d like support making these shifts in your own life—I invite you to schedule a free 1-hour energy and health strategy call with me. Together, we can explore what’s holding you back and create a path toward more energy, better health, and real-life progress.
Reach out to me here
You don’t have to figure it out alone. I’m here to help.
Mike Thomas is a registered pharmacist and a Mayo Clinic-trained, board-certified health coach. He specializes in helping busy professionals overcome low energy, high stress, and chronic pain to reclaim their health and vitality.
This blog is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. I am not providing medical, psychological, or nutrition therapy advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your own medical practitioner. Always seek the advice of your own medical practitioner and/or mental health provider about your specific health situation. For my full Disclaimer, please go to CoachMikeThomas.com.