You’re the go-to person. The helper. The one who says yes, shows up, and makes sure everyone else is taken care of.
But let me ask you something…
How are you doing?
If you’re like many of my clients, the answer is something like:
“Tired. Stressed. Pulled in a million directions. And maybe… eating cookies in the pantry to cope.”
Let me be clear: you have a good heart. You’re doing all this because you care.
But here’s the truth that nobody talks about: being selfless all the time actually wears you down—and over time, it doesn’t help the people you love as much as you think it does.
That’s the irony.
Good Intentions, Bad Burnout
I see this all the time. Clients tell me:
- “I feel bad sitting down. There’s always more to do.”
- “What if someone thinks I’m being lazy?”
- “I know I should take care of myself… but I don’t have time.”
And in the middle of all that pressure, stress builds up. The go-to escape?
Food. TV. Scrolling. Or just powering through while feeling totally drained.
None of that makes you a bad person. It makes you human.
But it’s not a long-term plan. Something has to give—and usually, it’s your energy, your mood, or your health.
So What’s the Answer?
One idea that really sticks with me comes from Dr. Michael Arloski, one of the early leaders in health and wellness coaching. He talks about a third option—not being selfish, not being selfless, but being self-full.
What’s that mean?
Being self-full means taking care of yourself in a way that helps you be your best self for others. It’s like charging your phone—you don’t wait until it’s dead every time. You plug it in regularly because, well, it works better that way.
Same with you.
Two Baby Steps Toward Being Self-Full
1. Take a 5-minute guilt-free break
Sit outside. Look at the sky. Listen to the birds.
No laundry. No scrolling. Just five quiet minutes to breathe and be.
This is not a luxury. It’s maintenance.
2. Notice the guilt—and challenge it
Next time you feel guilty for doing something kind for yourself, ask:
- “Would I feel guilty if a friend did this?”
- “Who taught me this was selfish?”
- “What happens if I never take this time for myself?”
Sometimes guilt just shows up when we’re doing something new—even if it’s good for us.
You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
Here’s the bottom line:
If you keep giving and never refilling, you’re headed toward burnout—and that doesn’t help you or anyone else.
So go ahead. Sit on that patio. Go for a walk. Turn off your phone for 15 minutes.
It’s not selfish. It’s smart. It’s self-full.
And ironically? When you take care of yourself, you’re better for the people who count on you.
Small steps. No guilt.
Progress, not perfection.
Mike Thomas is a registered pharmacist and a Mayo Clinic-trained, board-certified health coach. He specializes in helping busy professionals overcome low energy, high stress, and chronic pain to reclaim their health and vitality.
This blog is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. I am not providing medical, psychological, or nutrition therapy advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without consulting your own medical practitioner. Always seek the advice of your own medical practitioner and/or mental health provider about your specific health situation. For my full Disclaimer, please go to CoachMikeThomas.com.